Brothers and sisters, Marriage in
Islam comes with great
responsibilities especially on the
husband. Allah called it “a heavy
bond”. Therefore it is important that
you bear in mind that marriage is
another form of worship if you
follow the injunctions of the Sharia,
will be greatly rewarding for you in
the hereafter and a ‘paradise’ for
you here on earth. But if you
choose to follow you whims then
you will regret it in the hereafter
and also live a life of ‘hell’ here on
earth. A man should not belittle the
affairs of a woman and the woman
should also not belittle the affairs of
a man. A man no matter how rich,
influential and strong he may be,
one woman can wreck his life and
bring endless sadness to his life.
Likewise a woman, no matter how
beautiful or well-placed she is, a
man can destroy her blissful life
leaving her with permanent scars
of indignation and psychological
trauma. She can never be the
same again.
For this reason, before you marry,
you have to be very selective. The
best spouse for both men and
women is that person that has two
qualities. Religiosity and good
mannerism. There are religious
people that have no good manners
and there are people that have
good manners but are not
religious. The best person is one
who has the two qualities. Then
followed by a person with good
manners then religiosity. Umm
Habibah – May Allah be pleased
with her once asked the prophet –
peace be upon him. She said: “if a
woman among us who has married
two men before died, to which of
the two men will she be married in
the hereafter? He said: She will be
given to choose the best of them in
good manners when they were
together in this world to become
her husband in the paradise. At
this point the prophet – peace be
upon him said: Oh umma Habiba
good mannerism has gone with the
best of this world and the hereafter”
At-tabrany.
A man or a woman can be devout
and yet display bad mannerism.
Quick to anger, difficult to live with.
While a person may not display
such religiosity and still be
amicable to live with. Each has his
setback and fall-back, the best is
that person that is both religious
and well behaved. The prophet –
peace be upon him- said: “if a man
comes to you, whom you are
pleased with both religiously and
manner wise you should marry out
to him” and also said: “a woman is
married for four main reasons;
because of her beauty, her wealth,
her class and her religion, you
should prefer the religious (or else)
your hands are muddy.”
A beautiful whore is in no way
comparable to a physically ugly
well behaved chaste woman. A
well behaved peasant is 100
percent better than a rich
womanizer, HIV transmitter.
S0 even though the choice is ours,
when it comes to marriage like
other crucial events, we should
employ the choice of Allah, by
picking the better person and doing
the dua of istikharah (i.e. seeking
of Allah’s choice)
Below is the Arabic and
transliteration of the Dua of
istiharah.
First one should pray two rakaats
of supererogatory prayer not the
compulsory five daily prayers.
Then recite the prayer preferably in
Arabic. Where the words are
underlined, or in capital, they
should replace with the examples
given below :
ﺍﻻﺳﺘﺨﺎﺭﺓ
)) ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺇﻧﻲ ﺃﺳﺘﺨﻴﺮﻙ ﺑﻌﻠﻤﻚ ، ﻭﺃﺳﺘﻘﺪﺭﻙ
ﺑﻘﺪﺭﺗﻚ ، ﻭﺃﺳﺄﻟﻚ ﻣﻦ ﻓﻀﻠﻚ ﺍﻟﻌﻈﻴﻢ ، ﻓﺈﻧﻚ ﺗﻘﺪﺭ
ﻭﻻ ﺃﻗﺪﺭ ، ﻭﺗﻌﻠﻢ ﻭﻻ ﺃﻋﻠﻢ ، ﻭﺃﻧﺖ ﻋﻼﻡ ﺍﻟﻐﻴﻮﺏ .
ﺍﻟﻠﻬﻢ ﺇﻥ ﻛﻨﺖ ﺗﻌﻠﻢ ﺃﻥ ﻫﺬﺍ ﺍﻷﻣﺮ ﺧﻴﺮ ﻟﻲ ﻓﻲ ﺩﻳﻨﻲ
ﻭﻣﻌﺎﺷﻲ ﻭﻋﺎﻗﺒﺔ ﺃﻣﺮﻱ – ﻋﺎﺟﻞ ﺃﻣﺮﻱ ﻭﺁﺟﻠﻪ –
ﻓﺎﻗﺪﺭﻩ ﻟﻲ ﻭﻳﺴﺮﻩ ﻟﻲ ، ﺛﻢ ﺑﺎﺭﻙ ﻟﻲ ﻓﻴﻪ . ﻭﺇﻥ ﻛﻨﺖ
ﺗﻌﻠﻢ ﺃﻥ ﻫﺬﺍ ﺍﻷﻣﺮ ﺷﺮ ﻟﻲ ﻓﻲ ﺩﻳﻨﻲ ﻭﻣﻌﺎﺷﻲ
ﻭﻋﺎﻗﺒﺔ ﺃﻣﺮﻱ – ﻋﺎﺟﻞ ﺃﻣﺮﻱ ﻭﺁﺟﻠﻪ – ﻓﺎﺻﺮﻓﻪ
ﻋﻨﻲ ، ﻭﺍﺻﺮﻓﻨﻲ ﻋﻨﻪ ، ﻭﺍﻗﺪﺭ ﻟﻲ ﺍﻟﺨﻴﺮ ﺣﻴﺚ
ﻛﺎﻥ ، ﺛﻢ ﺃﺭﺿﻨﻲ ﺑﻪ (( ﺭﻭﺍﻩ ﺍﻟﺒﺨﺎﺭﻱ . ﻗﺎﻝ :
)) ﻭﻳﺴﻤﻲ ﺣﺎﺟﺘﻪ ((
ﻣﺜﻼ
.1 ﺯﻭﺍﺟﻲ ﻣﻦ …….
.2 ﺗﺠﺎﺭﺗﻲ ﻣﻊ ………
.3 ﺳﻔﺮﻱ ﺇﻟﻰ ………
.4 ﻋﻤﻠﻲ ﻣﻊ ………
.5 ﺗﻌﻴﻴﻨﻲ ……….
Duaa Istikharah
Allàhumma ini astakhiruka bi ilmika
wa astaqdiruka biqudratik wa
asaluka min fadlika al ‘adhim, fa
inaka taqdiru wa la aqdiru, wa
ta‘alamu wa la a‘alamu, wa anta
‘allàmul ghuyub. Allàhumma in
kunta ta ‘alamu anna HADHA AL
AMRA khayrun li fi dini wa ma ‘ashi
wa ‘aqibatu amri –‘ajili amri wa
àjilihi- faqdurhu li wa yassirhu li,
thumma bàrik li fih.wa in kunta
ta’alamu anna HADHA AL AMRA
sharrun li fi deeni wa ma’ashi wa
‘aqibatu amri-‘ajili amri wa àjilih-
fasrifhu ‘anni , wa asrifni ‘anhu wa
aqdurli alkhayra haythu kàna
thumma ardinee bih.
1. zawaji min …….
2. tijarati ma’a……
3. safari ila………..
4. ‘amali ma’a…….
5. ta’ayini fi……
Meaning:
Oh Allah, I seek Your choice
through Your knowledge, and I
seek Your power through Your
might, and I ask You from Your
great bounties. For indeed You
have power while I have no power,
You know while I don’t know, and
You are knower of the unseen. Oh
Allah if You know that THIS
AFFAIR is good for me in my
religion and livelihood and the
outcome of my affairs – the near
and far – please decree it for me
and make it easy for me, then
bless it for me. On the other hand,
if You know that THIS AFFAIR is
evil for me in my religion and my
livelihood and the outcome of my
affairs – the near and far – please
turn it away from me and turn me
away from it, and decree for me
what is good from anywhere it may
be and let me be pleased with it.
In the place of THIS AFFAIR you
should mention the issue at stake
like:
1. My marriage to ….
2. My business with …
3. My travel to ….
4. My work with ….
5. My appointing ……
May Allah continue to guide us all.